(smile)

ah, today. I am feeling a bit refreshed today. is it the sun shining? maybe. is it the season? maybe. (I love fall!) is it because he is home? yup. can you really miss someone when they're gone that it hurts? and then when they are back, you just can't get enough of them?

I just love him!

daisy

some things are best left unsaid....the smell of these beauties say a lot. I could barely see the guy holding them when I opened up my door. thanks, chalupa, for sending me my favorite flowers.

♥ ♫ ♥ ♫ ♥ ♫ ♥ happy valentine's day, ass.

you always knew

table talk

I shared a meal with my two children last night as I do most nights. We were sitting around the table chatting when the subject of the upcoming weekend came up. They will be going to their dad's house...which is where I left three cats that I love very much. My first baby, Nightro, will be 17 this summer. Next is Bosco who will turn 16. And last but certainly not least is Scooby, who will be 6, I think. We adopted him from a lady that worked at the library and she wasn't clear on his exact age so we are guessing within a year or so. I loved, and still love, these cats very much. When I moved after the divorce, I would have taken one or all of them but since I was so unsure of living arrangements, etc I did not take any of them. The two older ones..well, I wasn't sure how a move and a new home would be for them. The last thing I wanted to do was to stress them out. So I left them.

And I miss them every day.

Back to the table talk...I asked the kids to take some photos of the cats. My son and I had a conversation last week about them...we were actually on our way to take my new baby Maisy for a rabies booster when he told me that he did not think Nightro would live much longer. It was a reality check sort of talk...well, this conversation was brought up last night again. I told the kids that they need to be prepared that it could happen any time. It could be next week or next year. My daughter began to cry....death can be a very scary and sad thing. I asked her to kiss them for me and whisper in their ears how much I love them and miss them. She promised she would.

The conversation evolved into the realization that people and animals don't live forever. I reminded them that it is never easy to lose someone you love but we must accept that life is not forever. All four of their grandparents are living as well as one great grandma. How do you prepare your children for one of life's hardest and most difficult lessons?

Last week in church I couldn't get my Grandma out of my head. Let me set it up as it has to do with the conversation I had with my kids....we lost my Grandma to lung cancer a few years ago. She had been diagnosed four years prior and fought the toughest fight of her life against this horrible disease. She was an amazing woman whom I miss so very much. Many times I feel her presence so strong at church. My Grandma went every week and had a strong faith. Many of the songs at Mass make me think of her. And smile. :) I was at Mass with five important people. I looked to my left and saw a man who has helped me get through so much. And in a strange and very surprising twist of fate, has become someone very important to me. To my right were four kids who continue to amaze me all the time. I looked at the two boys, with the younger one looking up at the older one...it melts my heart to see how much they care about each other. Past the boys were the girls...ah, the girls. They fight but I know deep down they love each other, too. And even though I have had my own inner struggles understanding the why's and what were you thinking's....I love them all. All four of them.

Then the music. I think of my Grandma. I think of how she will never see this, to know how I somehow managed to move from unhappiness to such contentment. I look at these five other people and feel such a sense of peace. Yet I cannot help to know that the cancer that invaded my Grandma also has invaded the body of one of our precious boys. He is a fighter and is doing great but I cannot help but to face the fact that he has cancer.

Cancer..that ugly disease. And all of the emotions that were in me at that moment were simply too much. I felt love, peace, happiness and hatred all at once. The love, peace and happiness are obvious..the hatred: for a disease I hate. But then I remind myself that this little boy is kicking butt and taking names. I have never witnessed a braver little boy than I have in this one. And I couldn't be more proud to be part of his life. ♥

I shared all of this with my kids last night at the dinner table...our table talk. I was real and raw with my emotions. And they were, too. Both of my children cried...we hugged and cried some more.

Is this how I prepare them for life's hardest lessons? I can only hope so.

birthdays

When we were kids, birthdays were everything. We looked forward to the special day, the party, the gifts. Then as we got older, it lost some of its meaning. We worked, no one was around the make the big fuss out of it like our parents did when we were kids. But you know what? Just because we are older doesn't make our birthdays any less meaningful. I can speak from experience.

My birthday falls on the 13th of my birth month. I always thought it was something special. I was born on Friday the 13th...and ended up being the middle child. I would joke about this, placing blame on all my faults on this mere fact. My Mom always made my favorite cake...angel food with chocolate frosting...sprinkles, too, and it always got frosted down the middle of the cake, too. This cake is also my Dad's favorite..maybe that is why I loved it so much. It is a fabulous cake!

Now let's throw in the fact that my second child had a due date of the 19th of the same month of my birthday. This is okay, I tell myself. It will be far enough away so we each have our own day. (I say this because once I didn't live at home, I always had to make my own cake. On a few occasions, I had a DQ ice cream cake but never one made just for me. Unless my Mom was in town for a visit...) Long story short, I had to have another c-cection with child number two. My first was a scheduled c-section as he was breech. I had hopes of a VBAC with number two but she just wouldn't cooperate. So another scheduled section. I can remember vividly the doctor saying one week before due date was the best time...which would put it on the 12th. I had laughed and said, "Oh what a birthday gift. My birthday is the 13th." To which my OB said, "You can schedule for then if you want." HAHAHAHHAHAHA..share my day? It had already gotten lost over the years. No thank you. So my beautiful daughter arrived the day BEFORE my birthday. We each have our own day.

Which leads to me to today. Today is the birthday of someone very special to me. I have known him for a long time and have remet after a long time. He has become very important to me and today I want to celebrate HIM. I want to celebrate all that he is and does.

Today is YOUR day, chalupa.

And I couldn't be happier to celebrate it with you.

♥♥♥

♪♫♪♪♪♫ ♪♫♫♫

Sometimes we forget about things that we know will make us happy. You know it is going to happen, that it is something you look forward to but you still forget. Then when you least expect it, you are reminded of it. And it is such an awesome surprise.

And what is even better is that it hasn't even happened yet.

♪♫♪♪♪♫ ♪♫♫♫

no matter what

as frustrating as life can be, isn't it nice to know at the end of the day, you will be able to hug someone and feel loved? no matter what the day might bring, I thank God every day for bringing me this gift.

thank you.

hey soul sister

Hey, hey, hey
Your lipstick stains
On the front lobe of my
Left-side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you
Blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every
Single dream I dream
I knew when we collided
You're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind
Hey soul sister
Ain't that mister mister
On the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister
I don't wanna miss
A single thing you do
Tonight
Hey, hey, hey
Just in time
I'm so glad you have
A one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection
We can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat
Right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you
Like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind
Hey soul sister
Ain't that mister mister
On the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister
I don't wanna miss
A single thing you do
Tonight
The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see, I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me
Hey soul sister
Ain't that mister mister
On the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know
Hey soul sister
I don't wanna miss
A single thing you do
Tonight
Hey soul sister
I don't wanna miss
A single thing you do
Tonight
Hey, hey, hey
Tonight

lemons

Sometimes, life hands you lemons. And most people would say, well, then make some lemonade! Sometimes, life hands you bad lemons and after a while, the lemonade isn't so good any more.

I recently learned of a little boy living in FL. He was a little baby that was born earlier this year and recently was diagnosed with A.L.L... Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. This especially touched me as little boy in my life also has this type of cancer. It broke my heart to read about what was happening to him and how his parents were coping. Within two days of "meeting" this little baby, he died. I sat at my computer and cried.

I. sat. and. cried.

I have lost loved ones to cancer. I held my Grandma's hand as she left this world for a better one...and one thing I have learned is this: Cancer is an ugly, ugly disease. It does not discriminate.

Can you think of my special someone and the little baby, Mason?

Please go and read Mason's story. You can participate in finding a cure by going here.

And each day, be sure to tell those close to you how much they mean. Some think saying "I love you" is over used...I disagree. You can never give or receive too many hugs and kisses.

PS... love you, chalupa.

all it takes

♥
╔══╗
╚╗╔╝
╔╝ (¯`v´¯)
╚══`. ¸. this weather! The temps have cooled off. It is beginning to feel like autumn. Spring and fall are my two favorite seasons. Fall ~ the cooler temperatures are a welcome after a hot summer. The leaves falling and the crunch you hear under your feet is second to none. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, too.

Spring ~ after being stuck inside during the winter months, the warmer air outside is a much needed relief to the stuffiness inside. Witnessing the birth of new tree buds and flowers poking their sleepy heads out from the dirt are things that make me smile. It always makes me feel good inside when hostas or daffodils (or tulips or crocus) begin the journey above ground.

So today, enjoy the weather. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Hug someone tight. Take that hand you want to hold and squeeze it tight, letting the other person know you are thinking about them. Life is too short to let the good things pass us by. Plant that kiss on their cheek and let it linger a few seconds longer than normal.

Sometimes that is all it takes. ♥

♥

I need a newspaper.

I need a shower.

I need pain relief.

I need to brush my teeth.

I need to make sure those people really know.

the luck of the draw isn't always so very lucky. how is luck determined? is there any fate or destiny involved? is is all random?

green grass, blue skies. white clouds. true love. red roses, and white daisies.

I recently came across something that reads like this: A home is a place to do things, not store things. It's not meant to house your possessions, but your life. I am liking my life, my home. ♥

many changes have happened in my life. adjustments have had to been made. in the end, I am happy. I like where I am at..in most aspects. those of you know where I am still working...but day to day, I am happy. and I just wanted to put into black and white, out there for the whole wide world internet, that it feels good. it feels right.

I am liking my life, my home. ♥

♥
♥
♥

surprise!

Ever hear a knock on your door and wonder who it is? You're not expecting anything or anyone. The knock catches you off guard.

Today I had the knock on the door. It's Saturday so I am still in jammies, not showered. I peek outside through the peep hole.

I slowly open the door...they ask if I am the name on the card. I reply, slowly, "Yeesss..."

"These are for you. Enjoy your day!"

I love gerber daisies. And the idea of sending them to me for no reason other than I love them says it all.

Thanks, chalupa.

ripples

have you ever had the great, great feeling about someone? it sort of ripples throughout your body and mind? at times, you feel as though it all lined up the way it should be?

I have been having that feeling a lot lately.

thanks.

mixed bag

dear internet,

today was a first day, of sorts. it was the first day of football camp for my son. everything in the last year has been somewhat new, different, difficult and maybe scary. he said he was nervous but also excited before I dropped him off. when I returned to pick him up, I could visibly see he had a good morning. he had excitement in his voice! and to add to the day, I know the head coach from college. what a funny, small world!

I also had intermittent talks with someone important to me. I felt somewhat of a heaviness on my shoulders...but my someone important has reassured me that the choice has been made. each day is another day, a new day. and these talks of ours only solidifies all the good. so glad be be part of their life!

for now,
that girl

ps. isn't it incredible how someone remembers the little things, the things that come back to you that make you realize just how amazing someone can be?!

laughing too much

dear internet,
it is done now. it seems to have gone successfully but only time will tell. still questions but we will work through them all. one at a time.

I feel exhausted. physically, emotionally, spiritually. I need to refresh my soul tomorrow morning. it will be nice to see some friends later today. until the next time, keep fingers crossed for continued peacefulness.

that girl

ps. for my "laughing too much we know we need to hang up" friend...thanks for the email. those little things in life are exactly what we all need. those little things are what keeps things alive, fresh, and meaningful every day. and to my buttered toast, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

:)

dear internet,
sigh, I am writing yet again. only this time it is with a bit more joy in my voice! you know how you would like things, some things, many things, to work out for you? yet you often wonder when or if or HOW they might work out? today something happened. I wasn't the one directly involved with the happenings but I am indirectly involved. I am waiting for things to definitively "be" before declaring my zealous happiness but I just wanted to share.

so there.

I shared.

until next time,
that girl

my buttered, jellied toast

two worth again

hey, you.

Just reread a few and wanted to share again.

I think this..... and this....are worth it again.

At least they are for me.

should, could..maybe...yeah, that's it

Is it crazy thinking that sometimes things will just work out the way they should? In the proverbial big scheme of things, they way they SHOULD be. Will we ever know if things are the way they should be? Or is it just the way we feel inside, when things feel right? The way it should be.

I spent the holiday weekend with special people. And it felt like it should be. Don't get me wrong..there were two very important people in my life that were missing but otherwise, it felt like it should be.

And it felt pretty darn good!