void

Well, I can hardly blame anyone else but me and my ex husband.  And if you ask him, he would blame only me. 

My kids, now 16 and 13, spend every summer with their dad in another state.  They leave a few days after school is over and for the past four years, have come to me and stayed for one week each summer.  This summer, however, my son, the 16 year old, decided he did not want to come here this summer.  My daughter, 13, came for a few days and brought a friend with her.  I am glad she wanted to bring her friend and glad her friend wanted to come but it just wasn't the same.  I had no alone time with my daughter... and as it turned out, my husband had business near where their dad lives (in the same house we bought when my son was less than a year old) so we ended up taking her back instead of meeting halfway in the state in between.  We were in the area somewhat (90 minutes away) for the next two days. I met up with some friends for lunch the next day and wanted to take my kids to dinner after.  My daughter was at a friend's house (the same friend that was just at my house and we dropped off) and did not want to leave.  My son said ok.. long story short, I waited for him for about an hour and then ended up taking him to McDonalds.  The next day, I had both kids and we met yet another friend and her kids for lunch.  I laughed alot this day and having my kids with was great.  I took them back to their dad's and said good bye. 

The following morning, on our way home, we had to travel north east and came right through the sleepy town my kids are in with their father.  I text my son and asked if I could stop by and just give them a hug and kiss.  He agreed and said he would make sure his sister was awake... even though it was already noon.  When I got there, they both dragged their feet outside and especially my daughter, looked really irritated.  Apparently my son woke her and she was not happy. 

I hugged them, kissed their cheek and was on my way. 

From the time my kids were born until I moved back to the state in which I grew up and all my family lived after the divorce, I was a full time mom.  A domestic engineer.  I did substitute in the school in which my children attended and was very active as a parent there, too.  But for the most part, I was home with my children.  I was the entertainment director each summer and would take trips to the library or the park or bake or walk or bike.. or go to movies.. whatever we did, I was there.  I am still employed by a school district so my summers are free now, too.  The difference is that my kids are absent from my summers.

And I miss them terribly.  My husband also travels for work and is gone for about 5 days every 5 week or so.  He is gone this week.  And I have found myself sitting on the couch, just crying because this house is so quiet and I feel so lonely.

I miss my kids so much.