Saturday, June 18, 2016

mixed feelings

So today was the day.  Today my son moved out.  He just graduated from high school but he moved out.  His dad and I are divorced and have been for six years.  After the divorce, I moved back to my home state of Illinois and left my ex in Ohio.  My kids moved here, too, but spent every summer there as well as spring break and all long holidays.  My son wanted to live there.  He (after much persuasion) finally applied to a college near by and will attend.  All I know is that he said it begins in October.  Other than that, I don't know anything.  I am very afraid that my son will not reach out to me.. perhaps won't keep in touch or come to see me very often.  Since the divorce, when the kids ( I also have a daughter a few years younger than my son) go to their dad's, I don't hear from them much.  I have always told myself I respect that they don't see him as much as my so I don't interrupt their time.  But now?  Now what since my son will be living there and there will be no divorce decree saying he spends this holiday or that time with this parent? 

Today, my heart is both happy and sad.  I am happy that I have raised (at least I hope I have) a good young man.  He is funny, polite, kind, good with kids, crazy about cars, handsome.. smart.  I am sad because I don't think I will ever again live under the same roof as he is.  He is my first born, my son.  And I will miss him like crazy. 

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