t minus...

tomorrow is the prep day. I will be preparing my body for my surgery. I am nervous.. I have never gone through this preparation before. I have heard many different ends of how your body can react. I am really not looking forward to it.

and then there is Wednesday.

I am very nervous and anxious. there are so many unknowns... I am going in for pretty much something I don't know. and for added worry, there are other things in my life which are on my mind. and it all makes me sad.

if I could truly explain how it all makes me feel,.. well, then you might understand. but I often feel as though it goes without saying that what I am feeling isn't important, valued, "right"... damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I can't do, say anything right. I am truly exhausted and tired of feeling like the one at fault.. the one who is mistaken.

it is so very, very exhausting.