Monday, September 26, 2011

puffy eyes

I have done more crying the past week or so than I have in quite some time. I cried when he left.. after I dropped him off at the airport. I cried myself to sleep one night for missing him. I cried the day he was coming home for I was a nervous wreck worrying about him coming home safe. I cried yesterday because of many emotions. I was frustrated, mad, unhappy, ...

I am a crier. Always have been, always will be I suppose. And then to have my daughter say to me, are you okay, mommy? And for my son to ask me who died... I reply no one. And then he asks, why are you crying?

I felt like things were not being fair... someone made a mental decision that had an effect on the rest of our day. I feel as though it puts me in the middle...I am on the kids to make sure they don't make anyone mad. But then I am frustrated because I am on them more than usual just to not make anyone mad.. but in the end, I am the one feeling stuck in the middle.. and I absolutely do not like the way it makes me feel. In fact, I hate the way it makes me feel. And I always tell my kids to not use the word hate because it is such a strong word. But I hate the way I feel when I am feeling stuck in the middle of the one I love and my kids.

It just plain sucks.

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