S.A.D.

do you ever feel like you are in a time warp? as though time is standing still yet moving so very fast? do you ever feel as though you are hungry for knowledge about something and then question why?

why do I continue to feel as though I need to make everyone happy?...I want contentment all around me. the meshing of two different things can take time and energy.

do you ever feel like you want to shake something, someone so hard that all the bad marbles fall out? and then it is like starting over, with a fresh start? do you ever scratch your head and say to yourself, huh?

it is the beginning of the time of year that is both very happy and very difficult for me. I love the holidays. I love the way they make me feel, the way the eyes of my children light up with simple pleasures. but I also know what comes with them. for many years, I feel down this time of year. it always seems like it is a difficult time for me. I know many people suffer from an ailment common this time of year. the hours of daylight seems few and far between. for many years, I blamed it on my life..my emotional life. I was unhappy for so long. I am in a better place now. yet I still have the sad place looming in the back of my head and heart. last year, I did not put out any Halloween decorations..and for those of you that know me, this holiday is one of my favorites. Christmas was tough last year...I did not participate in any tree trimming...I put out no decorations around the house. all I wanted to do was crawl in bed.

I don't want to feel like that this year. but lately I am feeling very tired in the afternoon..all I want to do is take a nap. is this the beginning of the mild depression I feel every year at this time? if I am this aware of it, why can't I do something about it? try to go and outside every day when it is sunny?

I am conscious of it so I promise to myself to try to do something about it. and hopefully, being so aware of it will help alone.

what do others do to combat this disorder each year?