Tuesday, July 20, 2010

duck's ass

dear internet,

why is it that at some times, sometimes at most inopportune times, I suddenly feel like bursting into tears? for no other reason than it is what my body is telling me to do?!

overall, I am happy, very happy. I haven't felt like myself, like ME, in a very long time. but then there are times, I just feel like crying. I shake my head to myself and ask, "Why?"

I sometimes look around at my life and shrug my shoulders and smile to myself. I am content. I am happy. but I also know there is still something missing...I know I will feel better once I find a job..something that I love. I have resigned myself to the fact it probably will be something that is just a job, but it will be a job. this I know. but someday, someday, I will have a job that I love. that I get that intrinsic, feel good feeling. that doesn't even feel like work. that is how it was with my last job. *sigh*

life moves forward. I don't regret any decisions...my ducks are lining up. I just need that one last duckling to get his ass into line.

that girl


Anonymous said...

Dear that girl,

Let me just make sure that I understand you. You tell me you are happy. You tell me that you have made all the right decisions that your heart has told you to make. You have began the process of moving forward in your life. But yet you at times feel like crying? Well, let me just tell you something. You are human! I would like you to try to find someone in your life that at times has not had the urge to just sit there and cry about...anything. Someone whose life has been perfect. Someone who can honestly look themselves in the mirror and say "Nothing could ever make me happier." And if you can find such a person, then you should bow down to that person, because it would be none other than Jesus Christ himself. But even HE would probably tell you that HE had his ups and downs. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that as the old saying goes, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. The same holds true in your feelings and your fears. It is what you do with them that will lead you in the right direction. As you are feeling with your life right now, I have felt before with mine. With so many people asking questions and so many people wanting you to have answers, your mind can become overloaded and confused. That is when I do this...I shut myself down and re-boot myself. I give myself a few minutes to let my mind take a few minutes to clear itself before starting back up. Now, this does not always work the first time and may take several attempts to get yourself going again. But, sometimes in life, you just need to clear your "cookies". A good friend of mine once told me about a missed opportunity to do something that meant a lot to them. The stars were shining. The trees were blowing. The timing could not have been more perfect for something magical to happen. But, unfortunately, not everybody saw the same thing that my friend saw. And my friend was hurt by this. Why? Because of a missed opportunity. An opportunity to feel good at that moment. But this friend did not want to let her feelings know at that time. She felt it was better to say nothing. And, sometimes, that is the best thing to do. But as I have learned in life, there are somethings that need to be said and somethings that need to be done. And a good cry is something that just needs to be done. So, I will leave you with this. A box of kleenex is not there just to wipe your nose when it runs. The kleenex is there to absorb the precious tears that run down your cheeks from time to time. Like a good rain can wash away dirt from the road, a good cry can wash away the fears in your eyes. If God did not want you to feel pain or sorrow, he would not have given you tear "ducks". Until we talk again, keep swimming upstream. And the other ducks will follow.


The Internet.

iteach7 said...

Dear Internet,

Would you please stop becoming confused and re-booting yourself? I have things to do and each time you re-boot yourself, I have to re-boot my page as well....I'm getting tired of not having that signal!

Thank you.


Annonymous--I totally agree with everything you said....thanks for offering this advice.

That girl....if I shared with you all the times I cry for no reason, we would be on the phone 100 times more than what we are....and you know how much that is!! Oh boy....I can feel the tears coming now....watching ESPN.....will chat with you later....