catharsis

beginning friday september 20th

5 pm (ish): got a call from my mom...grandma is doing better, the heart meds worked and she probably will be released on saturday...still planning on going to chicago with H to see her

8 pm (ish): another call from my mom...grandma has been intubated. I am still going but now without H

saturday 9-21

9:15 or so...leave home for chicago

late morning/very early afternoon: become frustrated with the chicago traffic...I am picking up my brother in the city and then going to the hospital

early afternoon: after a few calls while driving, I finally demand to know what is going on. no one would tell me as I bet they thought it would do me better if I did not know fully how serious this was...the intubation tube was going to be taken out. must get my brother and get to the hospital as soon as we can.

around 2 pm: my mom calls...where are you guys? just about to leave the city...my mom says we must speed to get there.

about 3:30 maybe: arrive at the hospital. grandma is in ICU...my brother and I arrive in time to hear some of her last words before she goes into a deep sleep and actually snores...she has told us that she wants us to be happy and get drunk (I am not kidding, if you know grandma, this is so much her)

dinnertime on saturday: most of the family leaves the hospital to eat something. after we finish, we pick something up for my mom and her brother, my uncle D

about 10:30 or so PM saturday: leave the hospital. i have sobbed, held grandma's hand, kissed her, talked to her, laughed in her presence and told her about 100 times how much i love her. i ask my mom and uncle D if there is anything they need as they are spending the night with their mother.

sometime after midnight: fall asleep

sunday september 21, 2008

9:00 hour: stop at the 7-11 to get some coffee for my mom and uncle D...my aunt P is there, too, but she doesn't want anything

9:45 or so: arrive at the hospital...see my cousin, K and his wife. they were right behind me for some time and i did not know it. ask them to help me carry in the coffee

9:55 or so: arrive in grandma's new room. she had been moved over night to a much more comfortable room. give her a kiss, tell her hello and whisper again in her ear that i love her. my cousins B and J are there, too. (A and O, as well as C with E arrive a bit later)

shortly after 10 am: I hold my gumma's hand as she leaves this earthly world and passes onto another. I watch and hold her hand...I cry for how much I will miss her but feel joy she will no longer be in pain.

sometime that morning: a brief prayer service is held in grandma's room with my mom, dad, uncle D, aunt P and uncle L, my brother and his fiancee, K, my nephew, G, my cousins B, J, A (and baby O), C and E and K (& his wife, G). we pray and hold hands as we recite the Lord's Prayer. a final goodbye is given by all to the strongest woman I know.

later that day: it is a blur, i am not sure i can accurately say what was done and when.

monday september 22:

meet my cousin, A with O to pick out flowers for both grandma and grandma great. we then go to mcdonalds and toast grandma with the 95 cent cheeseburger. and yes, we actually unwrapped it, and clinked our burgers together. we to to ulta for nail polish, A is looking for grandma's color. I then leave to find chicago cubs stuff for my kids... i need some distraction.

I return to my parent's house...i help my mom in what ways i can...I make a few phone calls, hug her, cry and offer any help I can.

about 3:30: get a phone call from a friend and meet him and a few others for a few beers in honor of grandma. they were the best damned beers ever.

sometime that night: fall asleep.

tuesday, september 23:

go out again looking for chicago cubs stuff...again offer help at home, cry and laugh about things we remember about grandma. get a phone call from a friend of mine...meet out for an hour or so that evening. talking about grandma and the conversation is just what I needed.

sometime later: fall asleep

wednesday, sept. 24:

meet my cousins B and A to buy our comfort food for the wake. we have to have grandma's favorites, dum dums, and then we decide on chocolate chip cookies and a cookie that grandma loved...have no idea how to spell....kolacki...B ordered from a bakery.

about 2:30: finally shower as the wake is 4 until 9.

4 PM: arrive at funeral home

9:15 or so: leave funeral home. go to my mom's with K, J and H as well as G and E. we get them settled and then meet all of my cousins for a beer in honor grandma. we did this as well when my grandpa passed three years ago. they would have wanted us to do this, believe it or not.

thursday sept. 25:

1 AM: arrive home from the bar

get up for funeral about 8 AM

arrive at church about 9 AM

funeral begins at 10 AM

about 11/11:15 AM: leave the church for procession to cemetery

about 12:15 or so? (again not sure of time): leave cemetery and go to luncheon location

1 PM: eat a great meal that grandma would have loved with the exception of the chicken. the mashed potatoes were good but not as good as grandma's. the dessert was good, too. her favorite, vanilla ice cream with caramel on top.

3 pm or so: return to my mom and dad's house...some family is there. most people are worn out.

4 PM or so: most everyone is gone but then my mom's cousin arrives with her daughter and 4 kids. we visit and eat dinner together.

sometime later: fall asleep on the couch, apparently mid conversation with my parents. finally head up to bed after waking K, asleep on the chair

friday sept. 26

about nine AM: K leaves for home

mid morning: my mom, H and I go to the cemetery. we water the flowers that were left. H wanted to put a few on the tombstone....we then go to uncle D's house, which was also grandma's house.

about 12 or 12:30: after leaving grandma's with the clock we gave her and the blanket, we stop at mcdonalds for another cheeseburger...(grandma's favorite)

maybe 2:30: me and the kids leave my parents house

twenty minutes later: realize I left the clock and blanket in my mom's car and call them. mom says she will mail it.

five minutes later: call again..can you put the blanket in a bag to keep grandma's smell?

two minutes later: my dad calls..get off the toll road, and they are driving me the blanket and the clock.

thirty minutes later....my parents arrive and I can't thank them enough.

six hours later (10:30 EST): arrive home....much longer drive time than normal. unload everything into the doorway and get the kids into bed. brush teeth and snuggle under the covers with grandma's blanket.

later: fall asleep.

*much of this time is a blur to me. putting it into written word is cathartic for me. I may have even gotten some of the days after confused with one another. *

this is the verse on her memory card:

God saw she was getting tired, and a cure was not to be; So He put His arms around her, and whispered, "Come with Me." With tearful eyes we watched her suffer, and saw her fade away; Although we loved her dearly, We could not make her stay. A golden heart stopped beating, Hard working hands to rest; God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.