I was asked today why I was crabby. To me, I was quiet. Not crabby. Sometimes life sneaks up on you all at once. I have one child that has forgotten I exist. I have another child that for the most part is fine but sometimes I wonder if I'm failing her, too. I have two bonus kids as well. My ss has reached the age where he knows everything and since he's not "my" child and he has a mom that has threatened in the past, there is a line I won't cross. My sd has come a long way over the years but she's clearly a daddy's girl and I am still, at least to me, in the background. My husband? He's great. I say that honestly but in reality, all spouses have ups and downs. I know it's my issue but I envy the relationship he has with his kids. I often feel jealous of his doting on his kids and secretly wish he would me as well. That sounds all wrong but anyone can clearly see the love he has for his children and I would be grateful if his love for me would be as obvious. I often feel two steps behind and often, I am literally walking behind everyone else.
I know these are my issues to work through and I own them, however, sometimes life seems to just envelope you.
And you feel sad.