Saturday, March 30, 2013

ever wonder?

do you ever wonder when your time is up?  I mean, come on. we really don't know when it's our last day.  do you ever wonder what emotions you  might be feeling when you may be granted those precious moments before you know you're a goner?  do you hope to know you are gonna be a goner?  or do you want to go fast and quick and not know?

death scares me.  it scares the shit out of me.  I have lost grandparents, friends and neighbors.  I have seen the reality of the unknown in the face of a little boy fighting cancer.  I held the hand of my beloved Gumma when she left this world for a better one.  it was as though I could feel the life leave her body and at the same time, I felt like something was sucked out of me as well.  at that moment, I knew I would never hear her voice again, or feel her arms around me.  or get that phone call every single year for as long as I can remember on my birthday.  and I miss her. 

this post wasn't meant to be about my late grandma but rather a vague, nondescript post.  somehow it turned into me sitting here with tears rolling down my face. 

so I am outta here.  today the sun is shining and I would rather push the entire thought of how much death scares me to the side and remember my lost family and friends..  so go ahead, Gumma.. have another dum dum lollipop!  muah!

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