college of lovedrops

College of Lovedrops
No Man's Land, Pennsylvania

Dear Friendless Friend,

You are invited to my Christmas party on the afternoon of Easter morning on July 4. The party will start promptly at 2 below zero--providing the sun is shining brightly.

Orphans are requested to bring their parents. Admission is free to all children over 80. Refreshments will consist of castor oil cocktail at $30 a feature, watermelon on pie at $5 a bite and spaghetti at $1 a yard.

The boat will leave the airport at 13 pm. If you miss the bus, swim after the train. If you miss the bicycle, walk because we don't charge anymore for waiting. When you reach the drugstore you will know you took the wrong road--so return again.

Our address is given on the top of this letter, but we don't live there anymore because we don't want to be surprised. However, if you insist on coming, alright, but we won't be home.

The entertainment will be two men, without legs, running a race for a gold cup made of tin.

If you ever come over to see me, ask anyone where I live because no one knows me. I am sorry we live so far together. I wish we could live closer apart. We are having more weather than last year.

My aunt died last week and is doing fine now. Hope you feel the same.

I started for No Man's Land and I got to a sign that said, "This takes you to No Man's Land." I sat there for 3 hours but the darn thing wouldn't move.

I'm mailing your coat by express. I cut off the buttons to make it lighter. They are in the right pocket. If you don't get this letter, let me know and I will mail it to you.

Our neighbor's baby swallowed some pins but they fed him a pin cushion--so everything is ok now.

I would have mailed you the five dollars I owe you, but didn't think of it until I sealed the envelope.

Sincerely,

Someone Else

PS. Enclosed is a picture of me, but for fear of losing it, I took it out.