Friday, April 15, 2011

check one

dear internet, I have not written to you in quite some time. seems so much has happened... let's see... I started a new job. yes, I am driving a school bus. now, don't get me wrong, it is alright. I get to see kids every day..have shared a laugh or two with them and because of them in the week or so I have been driving. but at the end of the day, driving a school bus is not what I had in mind when it came to my profession. I want to be in the classrooms with the kids..not just driving them to and from school every day. at this time, however, the job is more important than what it is. humph. I had a reality check yesterday as well. someone special in my life suffers from cancer. he is an important little boy to me that I love very much. if you were the average person walking down the street, you would never know this ugly disease is in his body. but I spent time with him and his Dad yesterday while he was enduring a treatment. (some sort of procedure to give him a boost with his immune system..) there was a time when he was visible agitated...moaning, crying and not being able to communicate with his Dad or the patient nurse what was bothering him. it was at this time that the cancer slapped me in the face. I have seen cancer and what it does to people...I held my Grandmother's hand as she slipped away from this world to another after she battled cancer for years... but my special boy?.. he is a child. and it broke my heart to sit there, watching, and not being able to do anything. so many things went through my head... I felt helpless for there wasn't a thing I could do. I wanted to comfort him but he is not my son and I know he only wanted his Daddy. I felt pity for his parents and sister...even for his Mom, who at most times I loathe...for I am a Mom...and I cannot imagine witnessing my child suffer the way I saw my little man suffering. I felt like I had crawled into my chalupa's heart and finally understood what it might be like to know your child has cancer. but then I laughed at myself for I do not know what it is like to hear those words, to know that my own flesh and blood has one of the ugliest diseases. if any good came out of this experience, I felt as though my heart overflowed with love and the belief that he will make it. he is a fighter and he is taking names. when I had to leave for work, I rubbed his head and told him I would see him later at home...when really all I wanted to do was to hold him close and tell him I love him. and his Daddy? yesterday afternoon made me care about and love him more. life is short and we never know what will happen. this was proven to me by leaps and bounds yesterday. hug your children tight and tell those you love exactly that. I may be guilty of wearing my emotions on my sleeve, but I don't think anyone doubts how I feel about them. if I were to die tomorrow, I know those of you that I hold close know it. and if you do doubt it? give me a call or drop me a note...I won't hesitate to let you know. ♥ always, ♪♫♪ that girl ♪♫♪

3 comments:

iteach7 said...

I'm sorry you had to experience this, but I think it was for the better. And, I hope you know how I feel about you, because I know how you feel about me.

runes said...

When I was little, a toddler, strange word. So I was 5 or 6, my best friend, my next door neighbor died of leukemia. In those days 1950-51 they did't do anything, so I just watched him slip away with sadness and wonder. My high school friend died of cancer soon after
graduation. My cousin lost her life to cancer. 48 years after I lost my young friend to cancer my
father lost his life to cancer. My
wife's mother also, as you well know, my daughter. And now my boyhood friend since age 12, we were bestmen at each others weddings, has cancer. I am no stranger to "the big C ". Cancer
sucks my daughter, I know how you must feel. Be strong when life seems hard. I hope that 60 years of
medicine will allow this little boy to become a man. Trust in God no matter what he deals you. I love you.
your Dad

that girl said...

thanks so much Dad for those words..although I am sitting here crying.. you have reaffirmed what I truly believe. my special little man will survive..he will kick cancer's butt! and deep in my heart, I believe I will see him grow into a fine young man.

keep those prayers and love coming.