THE MOM

whew, what a day. where do I start? you won't believe what happened today! the cape is on!


first the alarm was off at 6:15 sharp. THE MOM was going to hit snooze a few more times...what the heck? THE DAD always gets up with child number one off! Breakfast, making lunch, etc. it all starts early in this house. finally THE MOM was up just before seven to give kisses to child number one before THE DAD walked him to the bus. he (child number one) catches the bus at seven AM. after giving kisses, THE MOM (okay, the caps are annoying now) got in the shower. THE MOM had to take child number two to school and then stay to distribute order forms (which weren't counted out by class yet) and run copies of the newsletter. THE MOM was able to get these things accomplished without any delay! all the teachers mailboxes were stuffed and overflowing by a bit after nine. time was to be had before heading to the dentist at 10. humf, what to do? I know, THE MOM can sit & morph in "the office rat". (we all know how much the office staff loves that!) so morph I did. I sat until it was time to leave for the dentist. after arriving at the dentist, in record time, THE MOM was able to relax sans children in the dentist chair for the first time in ages. the kids are always with me! after my teeth were sparkling, it was off again..this time to pick up trophy plates that had to be corrected...the first time they were made, there was a misspelled word. TOURNEMENT...that isn't how you spell that word!! regardless, the trophy place was engraving new plates for all the trophies...THE MOM was to pick them up. and then deliver them to all the boys that played baseball this past summer. after that, THE MOM had to go and purchase whipped cream..for you see, football season was officially over. the 'big boys' lost on Sunday. equipment turn in was that same night (monday) and then traditionally, they all have a whipped cream war. the cheerleaders and the football players. well, off to aldi...THE MOM got the whipped cream for a steal! okay, my tummy is growling and a burrito from beanie mcchimps sounds great. (g, that is for you!) stop in and get the burrito and my card punched. after you buy six you get one free! drive on home, eat the burrito in between making and returning phone calls. eat the yummy burrito (WHAT? how can all of this happen before 12:30 ??) and then decide to take a siesta for about 30 minutes.. it will refresh me, right? THE MOM sets the alarm on the cell phone, and turn the ringer to LOW. I must have been tired because what woke me was the alert of a new voice mail. I slept right through the actually ringing but the alert woke me. I guess that is why they call it an alert...because it certainly did alert me. up to check the voice mail, then off to get child number two at school. return home, grab a snack, wait for child number one to get off the bus so we can leave and take them to the dentist for their turn in the chair. I am awesome! I am tired! I am exhausted trying to keep track of who goes where at what time...but wait!! there is more!

while at the dentist, the kids are multi tasking. while one is in the chair, the other does homework. then the switch. after their teeth are sparkling like mine, we dash off to grab a meal through the drive through of a local eatery. we get home, sit down and eat. as soon as we are finished, we gather all the FB shit stuff we need to turn in. we get outside, in the van and the son says, "do you have the whipped cream?" WTF? the most important thing to the kid (and to me) is the darn whipped cream and we almost forget it? race into the house, grab the stuff and we are off. get to the park and the majority of the kids are already acting like idiots frolicking children, chasing each other with whipped cream. then the crap hits the fan. they start to pull each other's pants down! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? the nerve! so the teacher and parent in me steps up:

"HEY, (BLANK: NAME WITHHELD)!! DON'T PULL J'S PANTS DOWN AGAIN...IT IS SO NOT APPROPRIATE!!"

we are leaving. I have had enough. boys and girls, ages 8-12, pulling each other's pants down? and nothing is said by the adults in charge? so outta here.

we arrive home in time to switch adults in command. I need to attend the village council meeting with our school guidance counselor. as we drive up, THE DAD does, too. we switch "who's in charge" and I leave for the meeting. I arrive just before 7:30 to discover the meeting is already underway. I whisper to Mr. S, "I thought it started at 7:30?" to which he replies, "no, 7." so I AM LATE! I HATE being late...I get comfy and listen to the meeting. Mr. S is the very last thing on the agenda. he talks what he wants to talk about, I throw in some humor and compliments and the meeting is over. Mr. S and I stand outside and talk some more. he is great with the kids and what he presented to the council is great, too. after about ten minutes, it is time for both of us to head home.

as I pull up in the driveway, thinking about sitting on the couch and eating an oreo drumstick, the lights are all on...I can see dh on his hands and knees doing something on the carpet. another cat incident...they seem to throw up a lot. wait? what is that I hear? it is my oldest child crying. what I come to find out is that the throw up wasn't the cats but rather a child's!! what in the sam hill went on here?? "the cough" that has been here for a few weeks finally got the best of him. some laughing turned into a deep belly cough that kicked in the gag reflex that in turn let it all loose.. I am glad I wasn't here as I would have been adding to it. THE MOM reassures the son he will be fine...get my daughter into bed and assist in what ways I can in the clean up.

finally, about two hours later, I hit the bed. however, each & every time one of my kids so much as cleared his or her throat, I was up. literally, up and out of bed to check on them. at about 5 AM, my daughter wakes me by calling out, "Dad, Dad" over and over...it was the sweetest voice ever. however, what she wanted to tell us could have waited... this time, a cat did throw up...in her room, on her pretty purple flower rug and it woke her up. so she felt she needed to wake us up, too, so we knew. thanks!

all in all, I was able to accomplish making copies, sorting mail at school, bothering the office staff, getting my teeth cleaned, picking up trophy plates, purchasing whipped cream, eating a yummy burrito, taking a very short nap, picking up from school, provide snacks, deliver children to dentist for more clean teeth, provide a meal from a fast food venue, help gather needed stuff to turn in, co-help remember the whipping cream, enjoy and then dislike a whipped cream fight, deliver said children to their dad, arrive late at a council meeting, provide incentive for the reason for attending the meeting in the first place, visit with the school guidance councilor, and help in the clean up of vomit. oh, yeah, then over night, provide reassurance to myself that my kids are okay each and EVERY time they cleared their throat or coughed..

I AM THE MOM. this is my job. but isn't is sometimes exhausting? I applaud all of you MOMS and DADS out there that sometimes feel like you don't know which end is up. in the spirit of the Budweiser commercials,

this one's for you, crazy, almost gone mad parent that has to remember everyone's schedule and stuff and yet still somehow remember all the stuff YOU need to do, yet alone what all the other member's in your family need and want.